Celebrating Christopher Each and Every Day!

It has roughly been six months since my son died. Each day has become easier. There is integration of Christopher in my life in new ways. A small utility knife that was his is mine now and I carry it everywhere. I sometimes where a jacket that was his. I bought myself a fish tank for my birthday and two fish he particularly liked. That fish tank makes me happy each and every day. It's in our office and the whole family partakes in feeding the fish, David, myself and our dog named Ginger. It is a daily ritual and the three fish are greeted and talked to and given food. A gift from my son. I think of him each day in many ways. Hearing the train, somehow take me to him. TV programs remind me of him. He is in my heart and with me in all things now. I'm good with that. No more suffering. If I begin to think of his suffering, then I am lost.

He was a brave soul and he tried so hard. I do wish I could do it over. I wish I had the means to get him better help. At the same time I know without a doubt that everything was as it was meant to be. I love him so and miss him every moment of every day.

I've dreamed of him several times. They are usually troubled in some way. He's going through the reverse on the other side and removing all the damage of this lifetime. It will take some time. I'm looking forward to when he comes to me clear and beautiful.

I suffered a heart attack in June and while there are things that could be done, I have decided to just live out my life. I don't want surgeries or procedures. I'm rather on the tired side and the struggle has been hard. I am in a state of happiness and bliss and I have surrendered in all ways to the Divine. I am celebrating all that I am and those that I love.