March 16, 2009 ~ A Year In Review and Healing!

It will be one year this coming Monday, March 16th, since we lost our son. I will always miss him, however I will always celebrate the beautiful person that he was. He had such a great sense of humor and he was a very highly evolved person. I am so proud of him in every way. From the time he was a tiny baby, he was so beautiful and loving to be with. I've never known a more sensitive person in all my life. We were in tune with each other and could finish each others' sentences. We looked alike. He had the same body type that I do and that my Father had. There is a photo of me in a formal at the piano and it looks like Chris in a formal.

The year has been so hard. But....I am better and healing. My faith has seen me through and my husband. He's kept his distance with me and my grief. It's been private...all my own. My love for Chris was private....and all my own. I struggled to help him his entire life.

I will always wish I could have done more. I will always wish I had found the Doctor that could have helped him. I will always miss him.

In my life I have suffered abuse from a very early age. I never had anyone that did not let me down or abuse me in someway. Chris is the only person that I knew without a doubt I could count on in life. He was always there for me. I am so grateful for the love I had for Chris. It was so complete and devoted. What a gift to be given. The love of Mother for her child. It now is the center of all that I am. I view the world from the eyes of love...the eyes of Mother's love. I love all and I cry for those that are hurt and abused. I pray each and every day that there shall be help and that we shall no longer know suffering. I pray for Chris each and every day and ask for blessings and boons from the Divine on his behalf that he shall never know suffering again in any lifetime. He has found his way.

Some people are not capable of such love. We all are on the road and progress will be made. Walking into love and being love is our hope for this world. Open your heart and love without judgment or blame. There is no forgiveness and nothing to forgive....only pure being which does know know judgment, blame or self pity.

Joy Absolutely and Glorious Divine Love is all there is. Chris is with me every moment of every day in all I am and all I do, as are all things.